Take any old fleece robe that you have in your closet and put in on backwards. Presto! It’s a homemade Snuggie.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Something tells me the guy paid full price……..

Heh.  Happy Friday.

A couple weeks ago I got an email from a nice man in Nigeria.  He found himself in quite a pickle.  He recently discovered that he is the sole heir to a massive inheritance from an uncle he barely knew.  Due to the unstable economy in Nigeria he isn’t able to take delivery of the funds.  That’s where I come in.  Since I’m in the U.S., I’m considered a suitable entity to receive the funds.  I know what you are thinking though.  What kind of a moron sends $$ millions of dollars to a guy in the U.S. that he hasn’t even met.  I was thinking the same thing.  Just when I thought it was probably hopeless, my friend in Nigeria had a plan.  I could build his trust by sending some money to him before he sends all the other money to me.  He has to send me the money anyway, so just adding my funds back in, along with his, would be no sweat.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I liquidated my investment accounts and sent the money electronically to my friend in Nigeria.  You can see why I’m smiling.  The market has it’s biggest one day loss EVER, and I’m just sitting here smugly waiting for the big payoff from Nigeria.

At this point, I’d say my great choice puts me at about the same risk as not having sold my investments in the first place!

http://www.cockeyed.com/citizen/found/found.php

A few of my other favorites from over the years:

The torn up credit card application:

http://www.cockeyed.com/citizen/creditcard/application.shtml

Altering the menus of restaurants:

http://www.cockeyed.com/pranks/menu/menu01.html

The "Work at Home" Herbalife report:

http://www.cockeyed.com/workfromhome/workfromhome.html

Why is it that lottery winners so often find themselves broke and depressed after only a few years from winning their loot?  Well, there are a ton of pitfalls they encounter.  Let’s look at a few of them.

Cousin Earl:

Just about everyone has a cousin Earl.  You know the guy.  Scraping by month to month on a low income from an entry level job.  You won’t even have the oversized 2 foot by 4 foot check in your hand before Earl calls.  “Hey good buddy.  I heard you won the lottery.  Can you help me out a bit?  If I can just get a little bit of cash, I can finally get myself out of this dead end future and on to bigger and better things.”  Earl most likely won’t boost himself up with your new winnings.  There’s a good chance that Earl will hire himself a few working ladies and buy a few rounds at his favorite watering hole.  Don’t give Earl a nickel.

Old high school buddy:

Geez.  You haven’t talked to old Bob for 20 years.  It was great to hear his voice.  I’m sure it was a coincidence that Bob called you two days after you won the lottery.  I bet he just saw your name in the paper and said, “Gosh, I haven’t seen him forever.  I’m gonna see what he’s up to.”  Except, Bob knows what you are up to.  You are up to your eyeballs in cash and he wants to get a little taste.  Tell Bob it was good to hear from him and you’ll give him a call in 20 years.

Concerned Citizens for the Preservation of Spam:

Spam (the meat byproduct) is an important part of our society.  Hell, it’s an important part of this world.  Of course that depends on who you ask.  If you ask the Concerned citizens for the preservation of Spam, they’ll tell you that there is a serious crisis.  Spam sales are down.  The security of our country is at risk.  I mean, if we had a huge man made or natural disaster and the assembly lines weren’t cranking out adequate volumes of Spam, we could all starve.  It’s all crap.  Don’t worry.  We won’t all die if they don’t build a museum of Spam history.  We’ll be okay if you don’t personally give some of your newfound wealth to Spam Incorporated.  Hint: Don’t get too caught up with the Spam theme.  If you win the lottery, you will be approached by every organization on the planet asking for money.  Tell them all to move on.  There’s no gravy for them in your gravy train.

Are you starting to get the idea?  Before you give a cent of the money away, think about how this money could benefit you in the future, as well as some well thought out charities or family members.  The key here is to get the money working for you.

Now, substitute lottery winnings with a few other windfall situations.  Inherit some money?  Same rules apply.  Just hit it big with the latest tech stock?  Same rules apply.  Is there a huge fountain of thick black oil coming up out of your lawn?  Same rules apply. 

Money is not a “here and now” thing.  If you win the lottery or come in to a large amount of money, stop thinking about the lump sum you are going to receive and start thinking about the income that lump sum is going to generate for you.  If you win $10 million dollars, it’s not really $10 million dollars.  It’s more like 5% of $10 million dollars each year for the rest of your life.  For all of you liberal arts majors (myself included) that comes to $500,000 every year for the rest of your life.

Okay.  Now that we’ve got all that out of the way.  If you recently won the lottery and have found any value in this post at all, please send a large donation to:

ELYM

PO Box 55543

Seattle, Wa 59102

Or better yet, leave a comment and I’ll contact you shortly.  (and by shortly I mean, the second I read your comment)

http://www.mcvideogame.com/game-eng.html

Someone took the time to build a Mcdonalds simulation.  I’m sure the folks at McDonalds aren’t very happy about it but if you give it 10 minutes, I think you’ll find it’s a bit addictive.

I was able to make decent money but I kept having to deal with pathetic employees, environmental groups, health conscious consumers, earth destruction and sick cows (to mention just a few of the things you’ll encounter in the game).  I think I’ll stick to my day job…….

I can only imagine how much those wheels and tires cost.  They probably cost more than the whole car is worth.  But, if they bought them from Rent and Roll they are probably sitting pretty with a $300 a month rental payment.  Well worth it when you consider the ladies you might attract.  </sarcasm>