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You could recite an entire bedtime routine, list the lunch options, and explain the importance of clean socks—only to be met with blank stares or selective hearing. If it feels like your child has mastered the art of tuning you out, it’s not always defiance. Sometimes, it’s about how you’re saying things. Believe it or not, some of the most common parenting phrases are actually the biggest culprits. Here are ten things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out—and what you can try instead.
1. “Because I said so!”
This phrase ends the conversation before it begins, and for many kids, that’s frustrating. While it’s tempting to pull this one out in the heat of the moment, it often makes kids feel powerless and unheard. It can also shut down curiosity or the chance for a teachable moment. Instead, offer a brief reason that connects to their world: “We’re leaving now so we can get home before it’s dark.” When kids understand the “why,” they’re more likely to cooperate.
2. “You’re fine.”
Saying “You’re fine” when your child is hurt, scared, or upset can feel dismissive—even if you mean well. It tells them their feelings don’t matter or aren’t valid. This phrase is one of those things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out because it erodes trust over time. Try acknowledging their feelings instead: “That scared you, huh? I would be upset too.” Validation builds emotional security and keeps the lines of communication open.
3. “If you don’t stop, I’ll…”
Empty threats or vague consequences rarely have the effect we want. Kids quickly learn when we don’t follow through, and the warnings start to lose power. Overusing threats creates a tense environment and can make children anxious or defensive. Clear, consistent expectations work better: “If you throw the toy again, I’ll need to put it away for now.” That way, your words actually mean something—and your child knows what to expect.
4. “Hurry up!”
Rushing your child constantly can lead to overwhelm and anxiety, especially for younger kids. Repeating “Hurry up” over and over becomes background noise they learn to ignore. It’s one of those things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out—not because they don’t hear you, but because it makes them feel stressed or nagged. Instead, use a countdown or play a silly race game to keep things moving without the pressure.
5. “Why did you do that?”
This question sounds innocent, but it often feels like an accusation. When your child is in trouble or has made a mistake, they may not even know why they did something. Asking this in the moment can make them defensive and less likely to open up. A better approach is curiosity without judgment: “What were you trying to do there?” That small shift invites conversation instead of resistance.
6. “Good job!” (All. The. Time.)
Praise is great—but when it’s used constantly and without context, it starts to lose meaning. Kids can tune it out when they hear “good job” for everything from tying a shoe to eating a cracker. One of the less obvious things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out is this kind of generic praise. Try being more specific: “You worked really hard on that puzzle. I saw how patient you were.” That kind of feedback is more impactful and helps build intrinsic motivation.
7. “Calm down!”
Ironically, telling someone to “calm down” rarely helps them do it. For kids, this can feel invalidating—especially when they’re overwhelmed or melting down. It’s often one of those phrases that gets completely ignored because it doesn’t offer any real help. Try modeling calm behavior and offering tools instead: “Let’s take three deep breaths together” or “Do you want a quiet space for a minute?” Support helps more than a command.
8. “You never…” or “You always…”
These absolutes can feel unfair and exaggerate the issue. Statements like “You never listen!” or “You always forget!” put kids on the defensive and shut down meaningful dialogue. These are some of the things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out because they feel accused rather than understood. Focus on the specific moment: “I noticed you forgot to feed the dog this morning. Let’s come up with a way to remember next time.” Problem-solving builds cooperation.
9. “I’m going to count to three…”
This classic tactic can work in the short term, but overuse turns it into white noise. Kids start to wait until “two and three-quarters” before even thinking about responding. It becomes one more thing they hear but don’t really react to. Instead of counting, give a clear and immediate cue: “Please start putting your shoes on now. I’ll help with your jacket next.” This shows you mean business without relying on a countdown.
10. “Stop crying.”
Telling your child to stop crying—especially if they’re emotionally flooded—can do more harm than good. It teaches them to bottle up feelings rather than process them. It’s one of those subtle but powerful things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out, especially if they feel misunderstood. Offer comfort instead: “It’s okay to cry. I’m here with you.” Emotionally safe spaces help kids develop emotional intelligence.
Want to Be Heard? Start by Rewording
Parenting isn’t about saying all the perfect things—it’s about learning what lands and what gets lost in translation. When we pay attention to the things you’re saying that make your kids tune you out, we can shift from reactive to responsive. It’s amazing what a few word changes can do for connection, cooperation, and calm. And hey, if one approach doesn’t work today, there’s always tomorrow’s do-over.
Have you caught yourself using any of these phrases? What wording shifts have helped your kids actually listen? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
Read More:
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The Magic of “Yes Day”: Should You Try It?
Catherine is a tech-savvy writer who has focused on the personal finance space for more than eight years. She has a Bachelor’s in Information Technology and enjoys showcasing how tech can simplify everyday personal finance tasks like budgeting, spending tracking, and planning for the future. Additionally, she’s explored the ins and outs of the world of side hustles and loves to share what she’s learned along the way. When she’s not working, you can find her relaxing at home in the Pacific Northwest with her two cats or enjoying a cup of coffee at her neighborhood cafe.
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